You obviously want to be with your boyfriend. You started dating because you cared about him and wanted to see if he was the right person to spend a lifetime with. Now, he has told you that he is confused and needs extra time to think. Whether you got into an argument or he asked for space, something happened that made him confused about the relationship. He is trying to figure out what he wants, but you are left uncertain about his goals. Is he going to come back to you? What is he really trying to think about?
What Does It Mean When a Guy Says He’s Confused and He Needs Time to Think?
When a guy says he’s confused and he needs time to think, it is almost never a good sign. He might take time to think and come back to you, but it is definitely worrisome that he had to think things over in the first place.
Before you figure out what he means, you need to remember a few ground rules. Right now, you have to give him space. If you pester him with texts and calls, it will only annoy him and make him want to leave. He needs time to think, so listen to him and respect his needs. He may or may not come back, but he definitely won’t return if it seems like you are being needy or clingy.
Unfortunately, this is the hardest thing that you ever have to do in a relationship, so you have to be extremely strong to give him space. When you know that someone you love is thinking things over, all you want to do is talk to them and convince them to stay. As hard as it is, you have to let him have the space he needs to figure out what he wants from life and from his relationships.
Depending on the situation, he might mean different things. We will cover some of the most common reasons why a guy say he’s confused and needs time to think.
1. He Doesn’t Know What He Wants
Sometimes, he says that he needs time to think because he is genuinely confused. Does he want to focus on his goals or does he want a relationship? Are you the person he wants or does he need something else in a life partner? His struggles may be due to his feelings for you. He has started to fall for you, and he has realized too late that he has no clue if he wants a commitment or not. Just give him time to figure out what he wants. If he decides to stay, this extra thinking time will ensure that he is truly ready for the relationship.
2. He Thinks the Relationship Is Not Right for Him
This is always a possibility. People have a mental checklist in their minds of what they want in a partner. While this checklist can always change, he might need time to think about what he wants. He may have wanted a homebody for his partner, or he may have dreamed of a partner who travels the world with him. Right now, he may be trying to figure out if those checklist items can change or if the relationship isn’t the right fit for him.
3. He Isn’t Ready for a Relationship
If he just got out of a serious commitment, then this might be the most likely reason why a guy says he’s confused and needs time to think. He may have thought that he was ready for a new relationship, but he quickly realized that he needed closure from the past before he could move on. It is also possible that he started the relationship thinking that it would just be a fling. Once he realized that you had long-term potential, he realized that he had to stop, think things over and figure out if he was actually ready for such a commitment.
4. He Is Trying to Figure Out a Way to End Things
Unfortunately, this is a potential cause for his behavior. Breaking up with someone is intimidating and scary. He might not be fully ready to break up yet, but he could be thinking about it. Asking for space could be his first step toward gradually ending things.
5. He Has Other Things Going on in His Life Right Now
People have hopes and dreams for their future. In some cases, a relationship is just not possible. If he is going to med school or trying for a promotion at work, he might not have time for a serious relationship. If things were really heating up between you, he might want time to think about his future. He needs to figure out if he is ready to give up some of his other goals or interests so that he can have time for a real relationship.
What You Should Do Now
Don’t overthink things. This is not a reflection on you or if you are good enough. Even if he realizes that the relationship isn’t right for him, it only means that you were not the right puzzle piece for the overall picture of his life. You can be the most amazing person in the world, and you could still be the wrong person for someone else to be with. It isn’t you or him. It is just how you fit together.
Take a deep breath and give him the space he needs. While he has the time he needs to think, use the time for your own thinking. Do you really want to be in this relationship? Do you think that he is someone you could eventually marry? Give him some space and really evaluate the relationship. As you think things over, don’t overthink what is going on his mind. Obviously, he doesn’t even know what is going on in his mind and heart, so you certainly can’t. All you can do is give him the space he needs to figure out what he wants in life and in his relationships.