You’ve been out of each other’s lives for weeks now, and yet you still find yourself wishing he were still around. You want to get over him, but you can’t seem to shake the feeling of missing him. But what really hurts the most is when you find out that he’s out there happily living his life without you while you’re here still wishing he would come back.
What should you do if the one you miss doesn’t miss you back?
Why do you miss him?
What is it about him that makes you miss him so much? Knowing why you miss him will help you get over him faster, especially considering he doesn’t seem to be missing you at all.
The right reasons to miss him
We just want to let you know that it’s okay to miss someone who made an impact in your life, and these are good reasons to be missing someone.
1. He was a good boyfriend. It’s okay to miss him if he was a great boyfriend to you. He treated you right and made you feel safe and loved. He was the guy you could actually see yourself being with for the rest of your life. Even if he doesn’t show any signs of missing you at all, missing him because he was good to you is a healthy sign. After all, if you don’t miss someone who treated you well, that could mean you’re not in a healthy mindset.
2. You love him. Inexplicable as it may be, even if he wasn’t that great of a guy, and even if he wasn’t even close to boyfriend material, you can’t help but miss someone you still love. This is okay, don’t worry about it. There’s nothing wrong with missing someone you love, so don’t beat yourself up too much if you still have lingering feelings for him. It’s completely normal.
The wrong reasons to miss him
Along with right reasons are wrong reasons. When you miss someone for all the wrong reasons, addressing those reasons could help you stop missing him sooner.
1. You miss intimacy. You miss the feeling of being close to someone, of having someone to hug and kiss and spend the night with. These are things you can get from someone else, not just your ex. Keep that in mind when you’re feeling tempted to give him a call just so you would have a warm body next to you.
2. You miss having someone around. Loneliness is the ultimate side effect of a breakup. For all the time you were together, you had someone around to keep your company, to talk to, to make you feel loved. And when he’s gone, it’s easy to miss him because you miss having someone to keep you company. When you realize that he’s not the only company you can keep (hello, friends you forgot when you were in a relationship!) you might miss him a little less.
3. You look back at your relationship with rose-tinted glasses. You miss the good times – the laughter, the dates, the adventures, the butterflies in your stomach. But once you really take a long, hard look at what your relationship was really about, can you still say it was a good one. Sure, you could have had great times together. But when you look back, also consider the not-so-great-times as this might help you see why it’s much better for you to be apart.
4. You miss what you can’t have. We often idealize the person we no longer have because all we have left of them are the good memories. But as with above, it may be time for you to rethink if your relationship was actually that great. Maybe you’re just missing him because you feel like something (intimacy, companionship, dates, etc.) is missing. Maybe you just miss the feeling, not the person.
Why doesn’t he miss you?
You also have to consider the reasons for why he doesn’t feel the same way you do. For one thing, maybe his take on your relationship doesn’t align with what you thought of your relationship. Here are some reasons why he might not miss you:
1. He is happier being single. No matter how great your relationship really was, there are just some people who prefer to be single. Maybe he wants to figure out his life first. Maybe he wants to focus on his career. Maybe he just wants the alone time. It has nothing to do with you being inadequate or not loved. Instead it’s more about him needing to be alone for a while.
2. He wasn’t happy in the relationship. This is a hard pill to swallow, especially when you did everything you could to make your relationship work. But there are just some people who don’t go well together. What makes you happy might not have the same effect on him. And likewise, he might not have the same relationship goals as you.
3. Your relationship was unhealthy. One reason he doesn’t miss being with you might be the fact that your relationship wasn’t exactly a healthy one. This might not be entirely your fault or his (after all, it takes two to keep a relationship afloat). He might have seen how incompatible you were, and thus realized that you’re better off not together.
4. He no longer loves you. Another hard pill to swallow, but one you have to someday accept. If he no longer loves you, there’s nothing we can do about that. You can’t force someone to love you again because that would be selfish. All you have left to do is to let it go.
5. He loves someone else. One of the worst feelings in the world is knowing that the one you pine for is in love with someone else. If this is the case, don’t use it as fuel for your sadness. Instead, use it as a reason to become stronger.
What to do when you know he doesn’t miss you
Here are some things you can do to get over the fact that he doesn’t miss you. All of these steps take time. But once you’ve gotten over it, you can come out a better, stronger person.
1. Have an outlet to help you get all your feelings out. Don’t keep it all inside. Cry it out, punch a pillow, feel the sadness. Learn to accept these negative feelings and actually feel them instead of trying to suppress them. This cathartic feeling of letting it all out helps you release all the tension and the sadness. And the sooner you let it out, the sooner you can move on to the next step.
2. Get rid of all the stuff he has in your house. It’s hard even thinking of never being able to see that T-shirt of his that you love to wear, but it’s for the better. The less you see things that remind you of him, the better. When you get rid of his stuff, it’s like a symbolic way of purging your heart of his presence. You’ve cried your eyes out and let all the feelings out. So now it’s time to get his presence out of your house and out of your life.
3. Distract yourself. You might find yourself thinking of him all the time, especially when you’re alone at home. But one way to help your mind get used to not thinking of him (and what you could be doing if he were still around) is by finding a distraction. We’re not talking about a rebound here! We’re talking about any activity that can help replace thoughts of him. Take up an online course, attend art classes, practice an instrument, or just go out. Find a productive activity that will also…
4. Improve yourself. You feel terrible because you miss someone who probably doesn’t even think about you anymore. Make yourself feel better by becoming better. Get a makeover, cut your hair, update your wardrobe. Say goodbye to the old you who was pining for him and say hello to the new you who’s completely over him!
5. Keep good company. A breakup leaves you with a gaping hole in your social life, and this hole can eat at you unless you address it. So instead of wishing he could be around to talk to you and comfort you, turn to people who actually care for you like friends and family. They can make you realize that you’re an awesome person who deserves to be missed and loved!
6. Let time do its magic. One day, weeks or maybe months after the breakup, you might find yourself idly sipping coffee in a coffee shop and just enjoying your “me time.” And then you’ll come to realize that it’s been a few days since you thought of him. And that’s the moment when you know that through all the pain you’ve been through in trying to get over him, you finally did.
The sooner you put yourself in the mindset of getting him out of your system, the sooner you’ll feel free from the feeling of missing him. Take these steps and before you know it, you’ll be completely over him!